Today is my friend’s birthday, but…

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Today is my friend’s 18th birthday.

I did attend her surprise birthday party and gave her a nice gift, wished her on time and put on an obligatory birthday wish status and display picture with her to tell her how much she means to me. But as I was typing a long birthday wish for her, I had a flashback of the moments we have spent together in college and the only thing that came in my mind was a bitter comment made by her about me in front of everyone, including me. The memory of that day and that moment was still alive, hemmed in some corner of my brain, now dancing shamelessly like a harlot in front of my eyes, reminding me of the day my soul was torn apart from my body.

It wasn’t a bad comment on my character, it was on my personality. The reason it pierced my heart so much was because I have heard that comment before, from someone else, someone who claimed to be my best friend. And even though we are still in contact whenever I think about her the first thing that comes in my mind is the same comment. And I’d be lying if I say that it doesn’t hurt me. Because it does. It certainly does. And we all know that physical wounds can be healed but emotional wounds cannot. The pain of that comment will always stay in my heart and even if that (the birthday girl) was incredibly sweet and helpful to me in past, even though she apologized a lot for that comment later on and even though I have forgiven her, the first memory that comes of her in my mind will always be that same comment.

Please, never think for a moment that your words don’t have any effect on others.  Bitter words hurt more than the peeling of skin from our body with the help of a knife, more than the pain of a completely broken nail from our skin. And even if you think someone is not as good as you please keep it to yourself and don’t say that on their face. Because there is a 99% chance he already knows that, and secretly he is just trying to change that. Think from your heart before you speak, keep yourself in his place and think how would you feel if you were him and someone said the same to you? You would never forgive him/her. It takes a trillion compliments to build someone’s personality and your one harsh comment can take it all down, or worse, just kill him from inside.

Spread peace, love and kindness!

Love,

Fiya.

No more nightmares!

Maybe this is the start of my blissful journey towards a renewed life

Maybe this is the ecstasy that I had been longing for.

 

Love,

Fiya.

That dream.

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I gave birth to the idea of that dream, composed it, nurtured it and fed it like a baby. I fashioned it. I was the one who spent her days and nights aiding the growth of that dream. I was really hopeful. I loved it, I cherished it and I protected it from everything and everyone. I actually lived for that dream. I became too ambitious, my work drive became too much for me to handle but I did not let it go. I dedicated my body, my soul, my mind and my heart to that only dream.

 I had a blind trust on Universe but one day, it decided to betray me.I still held onto my dream, clutching it in my pure heart, through the bitter storms and crushing earthquakes, through awful thundering and crazy snowfalls, through horrible cyclones and hot and disastrous volcanic eruptions. As a result, I got grubby, I got muddy, I got crushed into bits and pieces, I got electrified, I got numb with cold, I got muddled… I got burnt! but I was sure that my dream is out of any harm,  it’s in my heart, safe and secure and I am going to nourish it more and accomplish it one day.

 I was so close to my dream. I was so sure that it is safe in my heart and in the depth of my soul. I touched my heart and felt it there, my lovely dream. A feeling of joy passed through my burnt veins. It is there! I cried. I pulled it out, slowly and affectionately… I stared at it, horrified. My hands started trembling and my eyes grew wider in shock.

 It was broken, it was ruined! My dream was broken. The dream that meant everything to me. I raised my dream to sky in an act of asking the universe to justify its act, and in a result the sky showered rain, melting my dream and letting it seep into the ground, a harsh slap from the universe for relying on it.

I sat down on my knees and rubbed my hand slightly over the soil, smoothing the part which had my dream buried in it. I shouted, I screamed, I cried. It did not lessen my pain. It did not help me to forgive myself!

………..sighs, guess I’ll never be able to trust myself again

……Guess I’ll never be able to dream again……

 

 

 

 

Struggles of a young blogger

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My basic struggle as a young blogger is the language barrier. English is my third language, the first two being Urdu and Punjabi. I usually have a lot of ideas and expressions in my mind but as cool and amusing they sound in Urdu, when I convert them into English they seem absurd and boring.

My second struggle or fear—whatever you call it, is that I’m afraid to get judged. I mean, I’ve a lot to say on my mind but I dare not transform them into words, fearing that I will be labeled as ‘young ungrateful narcissist B****’

My third struggle is writing to please my audience. I think twice about posting stuff on wordpress because I’m afraid no one would appreciate my work and reject me. But Getting rejected is everyone’s greatest fear, isn’t it?

I’m currently trying to confront my fears and sparing no effort to make sense of my words. I hope that I succeed in it.

I love it how people on Word press tell me that I don’t seem to be so young, I’m like that since forever. My grandpa says I have a 50 year old head on my 17 years old shoulder.
Really Grandpa? Am I as smart as a 50 year old? Well, Nevermind.
But Oh, don’t underestimate me; I’m still as cool as a cucumber 😉

With this post, I continue my journey as a young blogger.

Rawr!
Fiya.

Cause their love’s real

 “I’m trying to open up my heart more, so that it would suck the love from entire universe and fill itself with the compassion, trust and affection that all other hearts feel”

She said, while looking inside his deep brown eyes. There was something about him, something so spellbinding that used to make her fall in love with him more and more each millisecond. Those hairs so fine and silky, those eyes—filled with nothing except love for her, those lips, speaking the words of the deepest affection! That crooked smile, increasing the charm of his appealing personality even more.How could someone not love a guy like him? It wasn’t possible for her to stop loving him. She felt the luckiest when she was around him. She felt like the heavens are rejoicing and the Earth is thrilled to know about their love. The heavens—oh the heavens! She would not even trade her love for the heavens! Her love for him was as vast as the sky and as deep as the deepest ocean bed, as warm as the desert in July and as beautiful as a peacock dancing on melodious Irish flute tunes. Her love for him was overwhelming, beyond words..

“It’s amazingly strange; I never expected it this way. Life picked me up from the very top and threw me down, bashing me mercilessly, leaving me helpless. Maybe it’s because I deserved this? But then, why did I deserve this? I wish life could answer me….I..I..”

 

She ended up crying. He was there for her always, and she knew she could count on him. She was crying because she knew he knows she’s broken, and she knew he will pick up all her broken pieces and fix them all over again-just like new. He couldn’t see her in pain, holding her close to himself he wiped down her tears, pulled her cheek and hugged her as tight as he could, so that all her pain leaves her body and all his love takes the place of pain in her heart.

“You—my dear, did not deserve this. You are so perfect; if Mona Lisa and Bani Thani  were real they’d be jealous of you. I wish I was a tear in that eye, but if I was a tear in your eye would you still cry? Would you still cry knowing your pain will hurt me and cause my life to get discarded? Don’t let those lucky tears leave your eyes. Don’t let the hate of the filthy people fill your soul with darkness. You’re my bright sunshine and I want my sunshine above their heads with the crown in her head and with joy in her eyes. And I know, I’m sure my sunshine will rule the world.”

Having said this, he kissed her forehead and held her head on his chest. She was listening to his heartbeat. She felt peace, knowing he’s there for her always gave her inner peace. Mother Nature was observing their true love, smiling silently. The wind touched their faces with love and warmth like a mother happily moves her hands over her child’s face when he passes a very difficult test. Not wanting to disturb the two love birds, the sky was hiding its tears!

 

Their love was much more than intimacy, show off and drama. It was divine. It was their strength, their power, their hope, their desire. Their love was legendary; It was ever-lasting….