Today is my friend’s birthday, but…

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Today is my friend’s 18th birthday.

I did attend her surprise birthday party and gave her a nice gift, wished her on time and put on an obligatory birthday wish status and display picture with her to tell her how much she means to me. But as I was typing a long birthday wish for her, I had a flashback of the moments we have spent together in college and the only thing that came in my mind was a bitter comment made by her about me in front of everyone, including me. The memory of that day and that moment was still alive, hemmed in some corner of my brain, now dancing shamelessly like a harlot in front of my eyes, reminding me of the day my soul was torn apart from my body.

It wasn’t a bad comment on my character, it was on my personality. The reason it pierced my heart so much was because I have heard that comment before, from someone else, someone who claimed to be my best friend. And even though we are still in contact whenever I think about her the first thing that comes in my mind is the same comment. And I’d be lying if I say that it doesn’t hurt me. Because it does. It certainly does. And we all know that physical wounds can be healed but emotional wounds cannot. The pain of that comment will always stay in my heart and even if that (the birthday girl) was incredibly sweet and helpful to me in past, even though she apologized a lot for that comment later on and even though I have forgiven her, the first memory that comes of her in my mind will always be that same comment.

Please, never think for a moment that your words don’t have any effect on others.  Bitter words hurt more than the peeling of skin from our body with the help of a knife, more than the pain of a completely broken nail from our skin. And even if you think someone is not as good as you please keep it to yourself and don’t say that on their face. Because there is a 99% chance he already knows that, and secretly he is just trying to change that. Think from your heart before you speak, keep yourself in his place and think how would you feel if you were him and someone said the same to you? You would never forgive him/her. It takes a trillion compliments to build someone’s personality and your one harsh comment can take it all down, or worse, just kill him from inside.

Spread peace, love and kindness!

Love,

Fiya.

Dear world.

Hi, I am Fiya. And I am absolutely done with people. I’m literally done with people.

You think you own the world? You think you own that person standing in front of you? You think you can make fun of that person whenever you want? Well, guess what. You can. Why? Because God probably loves you and not that person, that’s why he’s letting this happen to him.

What? Did I say anything wrong? Oops! My bad, but probably nothing bad is going to happen to me. Why? Because God loves me and not you. Yep.

What?

Dear world,

The purpose of this post is to remind you all that you don’t own anyone, you don’t own a country, you don’t decide how the person is going to feel about a certain thing. No one is anyone’s slave. This is a free world. You don’t decide about who’s God’s favorite. You don’t decide which religion, which country, which particular community or person is God’s favorite. What if you— the one who thinks God totally adores you, are the least particular favorite of God and that person you just insulted is God’s top favorite but you don’t know it?

I am screaming virtually, begging you. Please, stop judging, stop assuming that you rule, be submissive to God, be forgiving.
Make this world a better place, don’t fill this beautiful world with your ill will. We don’t need your bitterness. We don’t need your insolence, we don’t need any slandering. We don’t need any more misery or troubles in our lives.

Stop taunting that girl about her looks because its fuckin hurting her!

Stop favoring that particular child of yours over other because it’s killing the other one’s self confidence!

Stop assuming that no one is better than you, because one day you are going to be proved wrong. Your pride will be shattered into tiny pieces.

Stop destroying that beautiful country where you were born, who fed you, where you find peace, which is your identity. For God’s sake, It is your home!

Stop, just stop insulting that guy over his dumbness. God made him dumb, he cannot help it! Please!

Stop ruining that girl’s life just because you hate her. She deserves peace in her life after what you did to her.

Stop assuming you are the nicest person in this world. Because that’s what you are not!

What you are doing to that person can happen to you tomorrow! Karma is a real bitch, don’t mess with it, because you can’t rule over KARMA. You just cant.

Sincerely,

Pretty disappointed,

Fiya.

That dream.

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I gave birth to the idea of that dream, composed it, nurtured it and fed it like a baby. I fashioned it. I was the one who spent her days and nights aiding the growth of that dream. I was really hopeful. I loved it, I cherished it and I protected it from everything and everyone. I actually lived for that dream. I became too ambitious, my work drive became too much for me to handle but I did not let it go. I dedicated my body, my soul, my mind and my heart to that only dream.

 I had a blind trust on Universe but one day, it decided to betray me.I still held onto my dream, clutching it in my pure heart, through the bitter storms and crushing earthquakes, through awful thundering and crazy snowfalls, through horrible cyclones and hot and disastrous volcanic eruptions. As a result, I got grubby, I got muddy, I got crushed into bits and pieces, I got electrified, I got numb with cold, I got muddled… I got burnt! but I was sure that my dream is out of any harm,  it’s in my heart, safe and secure and I am going to nourish it more and accomplish it one day.

 I was so close to my dream. I was so sure that it is safe in my heart and in the depth of my soul. I touched my heart and felt it there, my lovely dream. A feeling of joy passed through my burnt veins. It is there! I cried. I pulled it out, slowly and affectionately… I stared at it, horrified. My hands started trembling and my eyes grew wider in shock.

 It was broken, it was ruined! My dream was broken. The dream that meant everything to me. I raised my dream to sky in an act of asking the universe to justify its act, and in a result the sky showered rain, melting my dream and letting it seep into the ground, a harsh slap from the universe for relying on it.

I sat down on my knees and rubbed my hand slightly over the soil, smoothing the part which had my dream buried in it. I shouted, I screamed, I cried. It did not lessen my pain. It did not help me to forgive myself!

………..sighs, guess I’ll never be able to trust myself again

……Guess I’ll never be able to dream again……

 

 

 

 

My review on the novel “The museum of innocence”- By Orhan Pamuk.

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Summary:
Kemal Bey, a thirty something old is living the absolute perfect life. He also has a fiancée, Sibel, A stylish and charming young lady who is the daughter of another wealthy family. But life takes a turn and he meets his really poor distant relative, Fusun, who is 12 years younger than him and he without a doubt, falls in love with her.

For the dignity of my blog, I shall not post how he falls in love with her.

But anyhow he decides to get officially engaged to Sibel and also invites Fusun on his engagement party. The story takes a turn and Fusun is nowhere to be found. He becomes a lovesick crackhead. Sibel, being the good girl that she was, helps Kemal emotionally but alas! ends up breaking up with him for good. After some months Kemal finds Fusun and spends the eight years of his life ‘sitting’ every day or so with Fusun and her family and collecting i.e stealing little things related to Fusun, while showering her with gifts and also helping her family financially.
The story takes a very auspicious turn and Kemal and Fusun decide to get married. All is going well until a calamity befalls them, shattering Kemal’s dreams and destroying his life, for ever.
The novel ends with Kemal Bey, dreamily advising Orhan Pamuk to

‘Let everyone know he lived a very happy life’

My review:
In the start, the story was so intense and interesting but suddenly Orhan Pamuk decided to get advantage of this interest and lengthened the story. I felt like it is never going to end. I had to concentrate on every word to understand that he is describing the same feelings of Kemal Bey, just in different words, in a different manner. I was sick of it so I left like 4-5 chapters dedicated to Kemal’s oh so sad feelings.
Secondly, I’m one hundred and one percent sure Fusun was not in love with Kemal, she was just using him for his money and was helped by her mother to do so. I, usually do not hate characters but I cant stop hating Fusun for silently ruining Kemal and using his money. And what kind of guy was Kemal? He did not care the least bit about his widowed mother, in fact he spent more time with Fusun’s mother (who loved him as a son for his money) than his own. In the last 5-6 chapters Fusun accepts indirectly that she was putting up with Kemal because of his money.

Sad, very sad.

No, I’m not sad for Kemal, I’m sad for myself because I actually wasted one entire week on this novel. I’m very sorry to say, Dear Orhan Pamuk, that I’m disappointed. I never really criticize someone’s work like this but you annoyed the hell out of me by the help of this novel!

Dear readers,
To be very blunt and honest, this novel is not worth your time. I’d rather drink muddy water, pet a lizard and do Maths than to read it ever again.

All my love,

Fiya.

Cause their love’s real

 “I’m trying to open up my heart more, so that it would suck the love from entire universe and fill itself with the compassion, trust and affection that all other hearts feel”

She said, while looking inside his deep brown eyes. There was something about him, something so spellbinding that used to make her fall in love with him more and more each millisecond. Those hairs so fine and silky, those eyes—filled with nothing except love for her, those lips, speaking the words of the deepest affection! That crooked smile, increasing the charm of his appealing personality even more.How could someone not love a guy like him? It wasn’t possible for her to stop loving him. She felt the luckiest when she was around him. She felt like the heavens are rejoicing and the Earth is thrilled to know about their love. The heavens—oh the heavens! She would not even trade her love for the heavens! Her love for him was as vast as the sky and as deep as the deepest ocean bed, as warm as the desert in July and as beautiful as a peacock dancing on melodious Irish flute tunes. Her love for him was overwhelming, beyond words..

“It’s amazingly strange; I never expected it this way. Life picked me up from the very top and threw me down, bashing me mercilessly, leaving me helpless. Maybe it’s because I deserved this? But then, why did I deserve this? I wish life could answer me….I..I..”

 

She ended up crying. He was there for her always, and she knew she could count on him. She was crying because she knew he knows she’s broken, and she knew he will pick up all her broken pieces and fix them all over again-just like new. He couldn’t see her in pain, holding her close to himself he wiped down her tears, pulled her cheek and hugged her as tight as he could, so that all her pain leaves her body and all his love takes the place of pain in her heart.

“You—my dear, did not deserve this. You are so perfect; if Mona Lisa and Bani Thani  were real they’d be jealous of you. I wish I was a tear in that eye, but if I was a tear in your eye would you still cry? Would you still cry knowing your pain will hurt me and cause my life to get discarded? Don’t let those lucky tears leave your eyes. Don’t let the hate of the filthy people fill your soul with darkness. You’re my bright sunshine and I want my sunshine above their heads with the crown in her head and with joy in her eyes. And I know, I’m sure my sunshine will rule the world.”

Having said this, he kissed her forehead and held her head on his chest. She was listening to his heartbeat. She felt peace, knowing he’s there for her always gave her inner peace. Mother Nature was observing their true love, smiling silently. The wind touched their faces with love and warmth like a mother happily moves her hands over her child’s face when he passes a very difficult test. Not wanting to disturb the two love birds, the sky was hiding its tears!

 

Their love was much more than intimacy, show off and drama. It was divine. It was their strength, their power, their hope, their desire. Their love was legendary; It was ever-lasting….