Today is my friend’s birthday, but…

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Today is my friend’s 18th birthday.

I did attend her surprise birthday party and gave her a nice gift, wished her on time and put on an obligatory birthday wish status and display picture with her to tell her how much she means to me. But as I was typing a long birthday wish for her, I had a flashback of the moments we have spent together in college and the only thing that came in my mind was a bitter comment made by her about me in front of everyone, including me. The memory of that day and that moment was still alive, hemmed in some corner of my brain, now dancing shamelessly like a harlot in front of my eyes, reminding me of the day my soul was torn apart from my body.

It wasn’t a bad comment on my character, it was on my personality. The reason it pierced my heart so much was because I have heard that comment before, from someone else, someone who claimed to be my best friend. And even though we are still in contact whenever I think about her the first thing that comes in my mind is the same comment. And I’d be lying if I say that it doesn’t hurt me. Because it does. It certainly does. And we all know that physical wounds can be healed but emotional wounds cannot. The pain of that comment will always stay in my heart and even if that (the birthday girl) was incredibly sweet and helpful to me in past, even though she apologized a lot for that comment later on and even though I have forgiven her, the first memory that comes of her in my mind will always be that same comment.

Please, never think for a moment that your words don’t have any effect on others.  Bitter words hurt more than the peeling of skin from our body with the help of a knife, more than the pain of a completely broken nail from our skin. And even if you think someone is not as good as you please keep it to yourself and don’t say that on their face. Because there is a 99% chance he already knows that, and secretly he is just trying to change that. Think from your heart before you speak, keep yourself in his place and think how would you feel if you were him and someone said the same to you? You would never forgive him/her. It takes a trillion compliments to build someone’s personality and your one harsh comment can take it all down, or worse, just kill him from inside.

Spread peace, love and kindness!

Love,

Fiya.

No more nightmares!

Maybe this is the start of my blissful journey towards a renewed life

Maybe this is the ecstasy that I had been longing for.

 

Love,

Fiya.

Dear world.

Hi, I am Fiya. And I am absolutely done with people. I’m literally done with people.

You think you own the world? You think you own that person standing in front of you? You think you can make fun of that person whenever you want? Well, guess what. You can. Why? Because God probably loves you and not that person, that’s why he’s letting this happen to him.

What? Did I say anything wrong? Oops! My bad, but probably nothing bad is going to happen to me. Why? Because God loves me and not you. Yep.

What?

Dear world,

The purpose of this post is to remind you all that you don’t own anyone, you don’t own a country, you don’t decide how the person is going to feel about a certain thing. No one is anyone’s slave. This is a free world. You don’t decide about who’s God’s favorite. You don’t decide which religion, which country, which particular community or person is God’s favorite. What if you— the one who thinks God totally adores you, are the least particular favorite of God and that person you just insulted is God’s top favorite but you don’t know it?

I am screaming virtually, begging you. Please, stop judging, stop assuming that you rule, be submissive to God, be forgiving.
Make this world a better place, don’t fill this beautiful world with your ill will. We don’t need your bitterness. We don’t need your insolence, we don’t need any slandering. We don’t need any more misery or troubles in our lives.

Stop taunting that girl about her looks because its fuckin hurting her!

Stop favoring that particular child of yours over other because it’s killing the other one’s self confidence!

Stop assuming that no one is better than you, because one day you are going to be proved wrong. Your pride will be shattered into tiny pieces.

Stop destroying that beautiful country where you were born, who fed you, where you find peace, which is your identity. For God’s sake, It is your home!

Stop, just stop insulting that guy over his dumbness. God made him dumb, he cannot help it! Please!

Stop ruining that girl’s life just because you hate her. She deserves peace in her life after what you did to her.

Stop assuming you are the nicest person in this world. Because that’s what you are not!

What you are doing to that person can happen to you tomorrow! Karma is a real bitch, don’t mess with it, because you can’t rule over KARMA. You just cant.

Sincerely,

Pretty disappointed,

Fiya.

That dream.

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I gave birth to the idea of that dream, composed it, nurtured it and fed it like a baby. I fashioned it. I was the one who spent her days and nights aiding the growth of that dream. I was really hopeful. I loved it, I cherished it and I protected it from everything and everyone. I actually lived for that dream. I became too ambitious, my work drive became too much for me to handle but I did not let it go. I dedicated my body, my soul, my mind and my heart to that only dream.

 I had a blind trust on Universe but one day, it decided to betray me.I still held onto my dream, clutching it in my pure heart, through the bitter storms and crushing earthquakes, through awful thundering and crazy snowfalls, through horrible cyclones and hot and disastrous volcanic eruptions. As a result, I got grubby, I got muddy, I got crushed into bits and pieces, I got electrified, I got numb with cold, I got muddled… I got burnt! but I was sure that my dream is out of any harm,  it’s in my heart, safe and secure and I am going to nourish it more and accomplish it one day.

 I was so close to my dream. I was so sure that it is safe in my heart and in the depth of my soul. I touched my heart and felt it there, my lovely dream. A feeling of joy passed through my burnt veins. It is there! I cried. I pulled it out, slowly and affectionately… I stared at it, horrified. My hands started trembling and my eyes grew wider in shock.

 It was broken, it was ruined! My dream was broken. The dream that meant everything to me. I raised my dream to sky in an act of asking the universe to justify its act, and in a result the sky showered rain, melting my dream and letting it seep into the ground, a harsh slap from the universe for relying on it.

I sat down on my knees and rubbed my hand slightly over the soil, smoothing the part which had my dream buried in it. I shouted, I screamed, I cried. It did not lessen my pain. It did not help me to forgive myself!

………..sighs, guess I’ll never be able to trust myself again

……Guess I’ll never be able to dream again……

 

 

 

 

I’m learning French!

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I’m learning a new language!

Well, actually I’m trying to learn French, a language that I’m sure I don’t need to learn because I don’t think my life will ever take me to France or any African country where I’d have to use it. But well, I LOVE travelling and exploring different cultures so you never know. Maybe one day God would have mercy on me and take me to all those places that I really really really want to go.

sighs
I wish.

Well, For today, I learnt eleven phrases.

  1. Bonjour— Hello!
  2. Mon prenom est Fiya— My name is Fiya
  3. Comment allez-vous?— How are you?
  4. Je suis tres bien— I’m fine
  5. Je t’aime— I love you
  6. Mademoiselle— Miss!
  7. Comment s’appelle ton pere?— What is your father’s name?
  8. Mon pere s’appelle S.S.M— My father’s name is S.S.M
  9. Je suis perdu— I am lost
  10. Aidez-moi!— help me!
  11. Au Revoir!— Goodbye!

I’m so excited to learn more. When I learn something it makes me feel so useful and valuable. It makes me feel that I’m not totally wasting my life doing nothing and that I’m turning myself into a prized possession. I love learning and expanding my knowledge. For me, learning is a necessary exercise for my brain and I want my brain to be in action 24/7.

I really want to share a power boosting quote with you guys, I’m not really sure who said it but the internet says Mahatma Gandhi said it so I’m giving credits to him.

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
-Mahatma Gandhi.


Au Revoir!

Fiya.

Struggles of a young blogger

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My basic struggle as a young blogger is the language barrier. English is my third language, the first two being Urdu and Punjabi. I usually have a lot of ideas and expressions in my mind but as cool and amusing they sound in Urdu, when I convert them into English they seem absurd and boring.

My second struggle or fear—whatever you call it, is that I’m afraid to get judged. I mean, I’ve a lot to say on my mind but I dare not transform them into words, fearing that I will be labeled as ‘young ungrateful narcissist B****’

My third struggle is writing to please my audience. I think twice about posting stuff on wordpress because I’m afraid no one would appreciate my work and reject me. But Getting rejected is everyone’s greatest fear, isn’t it?

I’m currently trying to confront my fears and sparing no effort to make sense of my words. I hope that I succeed in it.

I love it how people on Word press tell me that I don’t seem to be so young, I’m like that since forever. My grandpa says I have a 50 year old head on my 17 years old shoulder.
Really Grandpa? Am I as smart as a 50 year old? Well, Nevermind.
But Oh, don’t underestimate me; I’m still as cool as a cucumber 😉

With this post, I continue my journey as a young blogger.

Rawr!
Fiya.

A ‘Color Me!’ Day gone wrong!!!

Photo credits: Rai. Our pool filled with powder colors :)

Photo credits: Rai.
Our pool filled with powder colors 🙂

My sister’s bestfriend, Rai threw a ‘Color me lad!’ party yesterday in which I was also invited. Expecting many trays filled with colors, I went there but got to know that the color supplier had looted her, in 1000 PKR, he only gave her a spoonful of colors. We were expecting this party to be a total flop when my sister’s other friend (Ima) got handfuls of food colors from the supermarket and so our party began with a bam!

JUMP EVERYONE!!

JUMP EVERYONE!!

Rai got overexcited and threw everyone in the pool!

Mah spent all her time telling everyone how cute they look

Dee joined in later, but decided to put on colors to her face herself because everyone else seemed to be busy! (I was not, so I took notes! :P)

Ree filled me with all colors and tried fixing the water gun

Aich stood in the corner and showered water on everyone

Ima’s shirt was torn off and no one knows how!!!

Raya (my sister) kept on wondering if these colors would actually come off our faces or not.

Me and the girls after playing color me lad

Me and the girls after playing color me lad

And well it was all fun and colors and water and photos… until we decided to take a shower for supper…

…And we realized that all the colors were permanent…
The colors won’t come off!!!!!!

Everyone’s face was like a world map with different countries printed on it in different colors

I decided with Aich, that I’m the empress of that pink colored country on her face.

We emptied bottles of baby lotion and body lotion in a desperate attempt to cleanse away the colors from our faces but no use
We emptied the bottle of hand wash (it was my lame idea that the chemicals in hand wash are harsher and that would help to get the stains off our faces)

NO USE!
BEAUTIFUL TIED AND DYED FACES

At the end of the day everyone’s face was puffed up with worry, everyone kept scrubbing out layers and layers of their skin. Some of them even tried bleaching their faces, but no help.
Luckily after so much trouble, my face and hair ended up cleaner than before (Thankyou lady luck! I love you too)

But for others, this party did not end up so well, leaving colors on their faces and tears in their eyes, reminding me of the quote….

“You’re too ‘colorful’ to be depressed”